Gettin' PhinisheD: Imposter Syndrome

Hey Y’all!

New week, new post. How y’all doing?

I haven’t told y’all too much about my educational journey. I went to Howard (HU! YOU KNOW!) for undergrad and then went to Syracuse (while working full time) for my Master’s. Now I’m out here trying to get this PhD.

So my new gig is with George Mason and George Mason just so happens to have an excellent Conflict Analysis and Resolution PhD program that is everything I’ve been looking for. Last semester I applied to three programs that I thought would help me get to what I wanted, only to have all three of them tell me they weren’t interested for one reason or another. It was...discouraging to say the absolute least. But like the fabulous Maya Angelou, still I rise and what not. I had to go about finding another way into someone’s PhD program.

At that time, I was working at Syracuse and while I knew ResLife wasn’t what I wanted to do forever, I also knew being unemployed wasn’t what I wanted to do either. On top of that, my job at Syracuse had a ton of perks, remitted tuition being one of them. What’s ‘remitted tuition’ you ask? Well, it’s a benefit you can take advantage of as an employee at most colleges and universities that pays for you to take a certain number of credits a year toward a degree (or just for fun if you’re into that).

Having this benefit helped me in a number of ways.

1. I did a semester in the counseling program and decided that it wasn’t for me. TOTALLY FREE!
2. I was able to try out Forensics classes which I loved and that gave me access to professors in the department and proof that I could succeed in their program.
3. Remitted Tuition made me a “no-cost candidate” for the department in that I wasn’t going to need scholarships that might have come from them.

So, knowing all this, I knew it wasn’t over when I got rejected from those PhD programs. It simply meant I would have to do a job I enjoyed a bit longer while going to school, but I definitely had to find another place to do it. Syracuse didn’t have a program for me and it was TIME TO GO. So I started a job search. I found a gig and now I’m looking to get back into grad school the same way I did the first time.

So what was this story about, Kiki?

Today, I turned in my non-degree application to S-CAR (School of Conflict Analysis and Resolution) at GMU. I will hopefully be taking classes in the Fall of 2017 toward a PhD. I’m both excited and nervous. I’m excited because I love school. Learning new things and creating new knowledge is my thing. But I’m also nervous because it’s a level I’ve never been on before.

Sometimes I don’t feel smart/good enough to do some of the things I attempt to do.

Intersecting identities will always affect how you walk through life. Imposter Syndrome is something that can plague anyone at anytime, but I want to talk about dealing with it as a black woman. Black women deal with the unique burden of misogynoir (the intersecting oppression of being black and a woman). This means that from birth there is a constant barrage of societal shame and pressure that makes it harder for black women to believe in themselves.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, black women are the most educated group in America. Despite this fact, society is still quick to push the played out tropes of us being nothing more than welfare queens, mammies, and jezebels. Because this is the representation it is easy for us to disregard our achievements as the norm. It is easy for us to think we are in the places we are, not because of our accomplishments, but because there was a diversity quota to meet. That is Imposter Syndrome.

Whenever you get the feeling that you are not good enough or smart enough or enough period, despite you having made strides (in or out of education; people define success differently) that are evidence to the contrary, you’re experiencing Impostoer Syndrome. Coined by Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes, the official definition of imposter syndrome is:

A concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud".

While it is much easier said than done, you can do a few things to combat imposter syndrome and keep being the bad-ass you can’t see that you are.

Positive Affirmations

I 100% believe in speaking things into existence. I can and I will. YOU can and YOU will. It may seem silly to think that looking in the mirror and telling yourself you are capable will magically make you capable of accomplishing all your goals and it won’t, but when you feel good you do better and positive affirmations will make you feel good about yourself. Affirmations allow you to control your thinking. When you concentrate on telling yourself something positive, over time, it is easier to stop negative thoughts from seeping in. “I can’t” becomes “How can I…”. “I’m not” becomes “I will be”. Encourage and be kind to yourself whenever you can. Remember that you can be a masterpiece and a work in progress all at the same time.

Establish a Support System

I know for a fact it can be hard to say nice things about yourself when you aren’t feeling your most confident. When times like these arise it’s great to have people that you know will hype you up and remind you how great you are. Surround yourself with people (family, friends, internet buddies, whoever) who will affirm you and want you to thrive. Be that person for other people.

On that same note, be sure to have people in your corner that will challenge you, too. Not people who start drama for the sake of drama, but people who come to you in love and ask you to reexamine the way you think about something. You should never be the smartest person in your circle so you never know what you might learn from the folks who you trust to keep you grounded and believing in yourself the way they do.

Overestimate Yourself

Now. This is not me telling you that you are in a place right now to do whatever you want. Skills and knowledge take time to build. I wouldn’t go try to become an engineer because I suck at math and I know that about myself. I could probably try my hand at school counseling though because I have a psychology background and a way with people. I know what I am good at.

There is always a difference in how we view ourselves and how other people view us. I know when I am feeling like I don’t measure up, it can seem like my accomplishments aren’t as impressive as they actually are. I’m not gonna #humblebrag on myself right now, but I’ve done a lot of cool things in my life and picked up a lot of good skills along the way. Because it’s my experience, all of that seems normal for me, but I’m sure there are a ton of people on earth who couldn’t do some of the things that I can.

When you’re in need of a confidence boost, remember that. Not everyone can do what you do and even if they can, they can’t do it the way you do. What you bring to the table is unique. You are the absolute best at doing you and that can’t be replicated by anyone.

Reframe Your Failures (Words Mean Things)

My friend in my head Crissle West (½ of The Read podcast; SO GOOD) always says “Words mean things” and she is not wrong. In life we have to be mindful of the way we talk to others, but also the ways in which we talk to ourselves. Things won’t always go your way, but even mistakes and pitfalls have silver linings. You can learn from them. The same way I gave myself some time to be sad about not getting into a PhD program before working on how to finesse my way to what I wanted, you have to think about failures as catalysts for success. You don’t have weaknesses, you have areas for growth. You aren’t a failure, you’re still in process. Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself and recognize that this is not a failure, you just learned what doesn’t work.

While we’re at it reframe those successes, too. Don’t use word like “just” and “only” when talking about your work. “Just” and “only” undermine and diminish your accomplishments and they should be allowed to stand on their own. Remember, you are a unique commodity and no one can do what you do. Even if life tries telling you no always, always, always be resilient. Be persistent. Be tenacious.

Be Authentic (With yourself and the people around you)

This is difficult. Specifically for black people at work or in academia, it’s hard to be your true self in a society that has told you time and time again that success does not look like you. But forget that! You have the opportunity to redefine success everyday you wake up. But you can’t do that if you’re trying to be someone else. Now I know sometimes you have to “play the game”. Most black folks have code-switching down and know when to turn it on and off but when you can keep it 100 *insert 3 fire flame emojis here for emphasis*. Be honest, be open, be sincere.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to recognize yourself as a unique talent. Being authentically you allows for the rest of us to enjoy that talent. The journey to authenticity is a long one that requires introspection and self-love, so it’s not something that happens overnight but, take as many strides as you can toward living authentically.

Believe it!

Finally, you have to believe in yourself!

I know this will be tough to do while wallowing in your self-doubt but you are amazing. Believe that. When you tell yourself these affirmations, believe it. When you talk to your friends about your doubts and fears, believe it. When you think about all you have accomplished and all that is yet to come, believe it.

You are worthy. You are powerful. You are more than you believe yourself to be. Remember that you are the founder and fire behind your own success. Don’t let anyone put you out!